Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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