I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
