If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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