The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
