They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
