I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize