The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
