i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Vodka?
Forever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
