Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
