Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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