i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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