We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
