you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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