I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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