I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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