If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
