wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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