I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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