we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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