I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You are a genius and a whore.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
