alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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