I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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