if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
