Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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