why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
