i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize