he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
