dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
