i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
