She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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