Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
