so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
