My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
