The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
