3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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