why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
