It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
