this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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