I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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