i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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