Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
