Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize