First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize