Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
