Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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