did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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