I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize