Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
