I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
