look no pants
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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