sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
