I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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