We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
