You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
