I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
