He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
