Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
