dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's never too late to be topless.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
