ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
