operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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