So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
