I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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