the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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