think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
