One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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