i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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