every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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