why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just want nice things and good sex
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
