come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
