You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
