Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
