I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
