I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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